Q: Dear Creampuff, why don’t we have pretzels for snack more often??

A: As a sweets lover myself, I’m not too concerned with a perceived lack of pretzels. We have it weekly usually, isn’t that enough? Too much salt isn’t great for you!

Isn’t “being salty” something the kids these days avoid, anyways?

Please let me know, I’m trying desperately to be relevant.

… I’m cool, I swear.

-Creampuff

Q: I have a friend that always thinks she is better than everyone else, and tells me that I am bad at things. I want to be nice to her, but I want to tell her to stop. How should I do this?

A: I’d say that this person isn’t being a very good friend. I suggest that you address this issue as soon as you can—the longer it goes on, the more likely it will continue. And be assertive in your own talents! Tell her that she is hurting your feelings, and that if she wants to be friends, she should act like a friend.

Don’t take no BS.

Supportively,

Creampuff

Q: What do you do when your friends ask you which one is your best friend?

A: Avoid this question at all costs. If they ask you which is your best friend, swear your bestest friend is yourself. Or your mom.

Or just run away wildly if someone asks.

(Creampuff doesn’t have many friends…)

I’m lonely,

Creampuff