Creampuff Corner

Question: “My mom hates me!  What should I do?”
Answer:  You have one of two options. Option number one is to just accept it and move on with your life. Yeah, your mom hates you, but on the bright side, you don’t have to stress about getting her anything for Mother’s Day. So there’s that. Option number two is to try to change it. Now, mothers, in general, are quite loving and forgiving, so you must have done something pretty bad for her to outright hate you. Did you throw a Project X party and trash the house? Did you forget to take out the trash? Anyway, here’s what you do: You can straight up ask her. “What did I do to make you hate me, mom?” As sad as that question is, it is probably the most direct way to find out what you did or are still doing. If she tells you what you have been doing, STOP doing that thing. Try to be a little friendlier and help out around the house with chores. Good luck.

Question: “What do you do when a boy is leading you on but they don’t like you?”
Answer:  First, you tell the boy you like him.  Boys (and all humans) can be pretty oblivious to emotion sometimes.  Ask him if he likes you too.  If he does not, then be friends with him if you both want to be, and if not, stop spending time with him.  If he says “maybe” you can still be his friend, but try really hard to ignore your feelings for him because it’s not nice to lead someone on in any way.  Finally, if it turns out he does like you, which I’m sure is possible, date him.  I recommend going to Cindy’s together – I hear there’s good ice cream there but nobody will ever bring me because I’m a pastry.  Either way, know that you’re an amazing person and a guy not liking you isn’t the end of the world.  

Question: I have a problem.  It’s the afternoon–the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and suddenly my stomach is filled with the burning desire for ice cream.  Next thing I know I’m standing outside Cindy’s with a fudge-dipped waffle cone with Moose Tracks and double sprinkles, and I realize I have done something terrible: I never checked out!  I know that I should be more responsible, but I can’t stop this sickening pestilence that is not calling the duty phone.  Help!

Sincerely,

Bewildered but Bothersome in Boarding

Answer: Dear Bewildered,

Gasp! That is not the MacDuffie way!  I too occasionally feel the fiery need for ice cream–in particular, creampuff flavor.  I can understand being temporarily blinded by your pangs of springtime hunger, but the devil is in the details!  You mustn’t forget to contact Mr. Hensley and Ms. O’Neill, proud keepers of the duty phone.  They will no doubt allow you to fulfill this sweet, icy mission, but they have to first and foremost ensure your safety and know your whereabouts.  In order to temporarily subdue your temptation during the 30 seconds it will take you to call them, you can: 1. Go to your happy place.  Pretend you are consuming an ice cream cone in the shimmering sunlight.  2. Count your coins in preparation for your feast.  Make sure that you have enough for what you would like to purchase!  3. Finally, see if you have friends that would like to go!  Distract your wanting mind for a moment with a text to your boarding or day student buddy who may also be feeling drawn to Cindy’s on a sunny day.  If you use these three strategies, you can’t go wrong!  Once you have called the duty phone, you can have a guilt-free trek across the field and can treat yourself to all the ice cream you can eat with no remorse.  Hope this helps!

Sincerely,

Creampuff